


Behind Blue Eyes

by russianmango



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Washington Capitals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 18:23:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/russianmango/pseuds/russianmango
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Capitals lose badly against the Rangers and all Mike can do is think about what Alex is feeling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Blue Eyes

Alex stared into the mirror, forcing himself not to cry. He really didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't please anyone, no matter how hard he tried. It was starting to get to him, too. Even though he tried to deny it. 

Mike saw through it, though. Despite how hard Alex tried to hide it from the guys, Mike gave him small smiles in the dressing room and whenever Alex seemed to need them most. It was like he knew, but Alex knew he could never know. That's what he thought, at least. 

And then Mike came out with him to have a drink. Alex didn't even say anything outside of what he normally talked about, but when they were waiting for a cab, Mike said he understood what Alex was going through. 

Alex said nothing in response. He wouldn't admit what he was going through, even though Mike was trying to reach out to him.

The whole thing went on throughout the season; Mike trying to get Alex to open up, only to have him shut down a little more each time. It was painful to watch, but Mike was the only one who noticed what Alex was going through. Everyone else was too caught up in their own business to worry about their struggling captain.

When the Caps lost the final game, Alex was on the phone right away and Mike watched Alex's eyes, so full of pain as he talked about playing for Russia.

Mike knew it was his last chance; Alex wouldn't be back in North America for months and a lot can happen in that time.

Mike showed up at Alex's house, not bothering to let him know in advance. When Alex came to the door, his eyes were red and he looked mad that Mike had come.

"Alex," Mike started. Alex stood there, waiting for him to say something, but Mike just stared at him. 

"What, Mike?" Alex asked, finally. Mike took a step forward and pushed Alex inside his house, kissing him roughly when they hit the wall. Alex stood there with Mike pressed against him, waiting to be pushed away. Anything. Mike just wanted  _some_  reaction from Alex. 

But he just stood there and looked at Mike like it was nothing. Like they didn't just lose horribly, like Mike didn't just show up and kiss him. Like Alex was numb. Mike couldn't take it after that and just shouted, "Fucking say something!"

"Something," Alex said, staring Mike in the eyes. 

"You're not the only one who that's hurting," Mike replied. 

"I'm not the one that came here," Alex pushed Mike away, lightly. Mike shook his head, "I know you care."

"I never said I didn't," Alex replied. 

"They said you didn't," Mike said, taking a step closer, "They don't see what I see."

"And what do you see?" Alex asked, voice almost a growl. 

"I see pain and desire," Mike answered, "I see someone who puts everything into a game that gives nothing back."

"Why are you here?" Alex snapped.

"I don't believe everything I read," Mike answered. "You've been draining yourself so hard and all you get is people bad mouthing you."

"You think I care about that?" Alex rolled his eyes. 

"I know it hurts you," Mike answered. 

"My foot hurts, Mike," Alex shouted, "I'm exhausted, I'm angry, and in pain. But if I don't go play for Russia, they can make it so I don't make the Olympics, and everyone else will have tons to say about it. So don't tell me you know how I feel."

"I've been asked to play for Canada once. I've been so close to awards, until I lose them. I've missed so much time, I'm not even sure why McPhee bothers," Mike said. He didn't mean to go all out, but it happened. Alex stared at Mike, unsure of what to say. There was no doubt they were both angry as the tension continued to grow in the small space between them. 

Alex took a cue from Mike and pulled him close by his shirt and kissing him. It was angry and hardly even enjoyable, but that was kind of the point. Mike knew what Alex was feeling, he could see it in his eyes.

They both had so much pain inside, so much need. Alex stopped caring at that point, and just went with it. For once, he thought purely about himself.

The next morning, Mike was gone.

 


End file.
